Someone gives me a compliment I did not ask for,
And you say I’m fishing for it.
Only I did not want what I caught,
I did not eat what I caught,
I threw it back into the ocean
Where every other nice word said about me
Has sunk to the bottom.
Why would I go fishing to feed
I do not enjoy,
I want to see get smaller.
This body does not need fish,
It needs you to stop assuming I’m asking for it just because I do not tell you
Every insecurity I hold in clenched fists
Every time I look in a mirror,
Every time I do not look in a mirror.
Did you know Jesus once multiplied five loaves of bread and two fish
And fed five thousand people?
They call it a miracle
Because He did the impossible.
I call it a miracle because they were not
Ashamed to be hungry.
Jesus gave the people what they needed,
Not what they thought would be better for their figure.
They were thankful for their meal and everyone ate their share.
I have not fished for a compliment in my life.
The only thing I have ever hoped to catch
Is a miracle.
I wrote this poem recently, though it is very important to say that this isn’t how I feel anymore. I wrote this while thinking back about my old insecurities, which did used to be, in part, my weight, but that hasn’t been a concern of mine for a couple of years. I’m happy with who I am and what I look like now, but I think it’s important to look back on what has been.
My Easter poem about Jesus mentions that someone thought Jesus was killed by a gun, and as a side note I commented that someone really did ask that once, on a Christian camp I went to. I wouldn’t include something in a poem that was not true, or was not clearly meant to be taken as a metaphor.
Similarly, this poem has a side note.
A couple of years ago, someone did tell me that I was fishing for a compliment, which I wasn’t. And instead of saying it once as a joke, they kept talking about it in front of others, and them going on about it made me feel much more insecure than I already was.
Even though I don’t struggle with insecurity about my looks like I used to, I think it’s an important topic to write about and I have much to say about it. But for now, I think this poem has said enough. I have written about body positivity and insecurity before, so you can read post one, two, and three if you’re interested. Although it might be time for a part four, as I was reading those back and there is definitely more I can say, and perhaps with more clarity.
Have a beautiful Friday,